Getting Your Feelings Hurt
Guide to Not Getting Your Feelings Hurt in Germany
(This guide is a work in process, as I am only beginning to learn how not to get my feelings hurt in Germany)
Even for an American, I am especially sensitive and have a very fragile ego. So some of my negative reactions to Germans may be amplified because of this. The generalizations that I will make, are of course, just generalizations. Not every German is like this, just like not every American is identical to myself. But I have noticed definite trends.
Germans value honesty. Which is a very admirable thing. But they aren't afraid to hurt peoples feelings in order to be honest. (I wonder if they have ever heard of "the little white lie"?) Don't ask a German for their opinion about something unless you are prepared for the truth. You will often get their opinions without asking for them, as well. If it is in regards to your clothing or favorite music, do your best to ignore it. But if it is in regards to some behavior of yours, once your ego has recovered, try to see if there is some truth in the observation and if you can use it to make yourself an easier person to be around.
You will be asked your opinons about President Bush and the Iraq War, because just as you will have your preconceived ideas about the Germans being lederhosen-wearing, wurst-eating, beer-drinkers, they will also have their own stereotypes about you and your gas-guzzling SUVs, fast food, and wonderful foreign policies.
Don't be offended when the waitress, cashier, secretary, or bar tender does not smile at you or exchange pleasantries. The idea of the customer always being right is beginning to make an appearance in Europe, but for the most part, Germans will gladly sacrifice friendly service for a better price. Germans also think it is very strange that waitresses are overly-friendly and that people bag your groceries for you in America.
Don't get your feelings hurt if you feel that you have gone out of your way to do something nice for someone, and the gratitude they show does not seem equal to the effort that you made. They are, of course, very grateful, but they have an entirely different way of showing it. They will thank you once, and probably tell you that you shouldn't have. I can only imagine how strange they must think it is for someone to thank them "too much" for a small gift or a good meal.
The main thing that I have learned is that I should stop and think about it before I get upset by a comment or behavior in Germany. Because chances are, it is just a cultural misunderstanding. So, being informed about these typical differences in attitude and behavior, may go a long way in helping you to not get your feelings hurt in Germany.