Fri, Jan 25th 2008, 01:29
Guide to Not Getting Your Feelings Hurt in Germany
(This guide is a work in process, as I am only beginning to learn how not to get my feelings hurt in Germany)
Even for an American, I am especially sensitive and have a very fragile ego. So some of my negative reactions to Germans may be amplified because of this. The generalizations that I will make, are of course, just generalizations. Not every German is like this, just like not every American is identical to myself. But I have noticed definite trends.
Germans value honesty. Which is a very admirable thing. But they aren't afraid to hurt peoples feelings in order to be honest. (I wonder if they have ever heard of "the little white lie"?) Don't ask a German for their opinion about something unless you are prepared for the truth. You will often get their opinions without asking for them, as well. If it is in regards to your clothing or favorite music, do your best to ignore it. But if it is in regards to some behavior of yours, once your ego has recovered, try to see if there is some truth in the observation and if you can use it to make yourself an easier person to be around.
You will be asked your opinons about President Bush and the Iraq War, because just as you will have your preconceived ideas about the Germans being lederhosen-wearing, wurst-eating, beer-drinkers, they will also have their own stereotypes about you and your gas-guzzling SUVs, fast food, and wonderful foreign policies.
Don't be offended when the waitress, cashier, secretary, or bar tender does not smile at you or exchange pleasantries. The idea of the customer always being right is beginning to make an appearance in Europe, but for the most part, Germans will gladly sacrifice friendly service for a better price. Germans also think it is very strange that waitresses are overly-friendly and that people bag your groceries for you in America.
Don't get your feelings hurt if you feel that you have gone out of your way to do something nice for someone, and the gratitude they show does not seem equal to the effort that you made. They are, of course, very grateful, but they have an entirely different way of showing it. They will thank you once, and probably tell you that you shouldn't have. I can only imagine how strange they must think it is for someone to thank them "too much" for a small gift or a good meal.
The main thing that I have learned is that I should stop and think about it before I get upset by a comment or behavior in Germany. Because chances are, it is just a cultural misunderstanding. So, being informed about these typical differences in attitude and behavior, may go a long way in helping you to not get your feelings hurt in Germany.
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Sat, Jan 5th 2008, 07:31
It is almost dark when I set out at 3:30pm to buy groceries. The walk is about 10-15 minutes on my short legs, and the weather is cold and windy. My ears ache from the cold, because I'm too ridiculous to wear a hat. If I decide to use a cart at the grocery store, I will have to deposit one euro to take it, but I would not be able to carry a cart full of groceries home on my own, so I only buy as much as I can carry.
When I check out, the cashier might say "Guten Tag" or "Hallo", but usually she says nothing and does not smile. Nor does she bag my groceries, and I must shove them back into my cloth sack that I brought myself as quick as she rings it up, or the people waiting in line behind me may give me dirty looks for wasting their time. "Achtzehn euro sechzig" she says quickly, and if I am lucky there is a display on the cash register to show me the number because I don't understand her Sachsen accent.
With my groceries in hand, I begin to walk back. The streets are littered with firework debris after New Years (which they call Silverster). That night when we looked out of our top floor window, we could see fireworks all over our neighborhood, because there were people lighting them on almost every block. Never before have I seen such a good firework display, and so close up. Apparently, the Germans love fire hazards. I wonder how many people blew their fingers off that night in Dresden alone.
I have purchased a couple of German fire hazards, myself. This is called a Pyramide. It is made of wood and when you light candles underneath the windmill, it turns, spinning the figures inside.
This one is called a Rauchenmännchen, which means "little smoking man" in English. You light an incense cone and put it inside his belly and then smoke comes out of his mouth. Do you think they would have toys that smoked in America? I am surprised by how prevalent smoking is here. It is rare to find someone who does not smoke. And in America we have almost shamed most smokers into smoking a distance away from everyone else, but not here. People smoke right next to you as if they expect you to enjoy it.
The Christmas traditions here do not differ that much from in America except on a few points. There are markets in every town during the holidays (I posted a blog and pictures from one before called Striezelmarkt). The markets sell handcrafted items, such as the two I showed above, and they also sell Gluhwein, sauerkraut, wurst, etc.
They have Christmas trees just like we do, but some people still put real candles in their trees (another fire hazard!). On Christmas Eve they open their presents, instead of on Christmas morning like we do at my house (When does Santa have time to sneak down the chimney during the day, I wonder?). The traditional meal on Christmas eve is Bratwurst. On Christmas day they usually eat duck or goose, and the day following (the 26th) is also a holiday. After meals, the whole family (including grandparents) have a shot or two of alcohol to help the digestion. I can't imagine that happening after the Christmas meal with my family.
I had a very nice Christmas with Mike's family. I didn't expect many gifts so was surprised by all of the nice things I got from Mike's family. I was also very surprised by my gift from Mike. I expected him to get me some electronic thing, but instead he completely surprised me with a beautiful ruby ring. He's a keeper.
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